Approach Anxiety (AA) is something that we all feel when meeting people. The extent of the AA can be quite bad for some people, especially those starting out in the social arts.
The key to overcoming AA is finding good experiences. That means that until you have that one good experience, its going to be difficult for you to grasp with that fear, and you will always be making excuses for why you didn't approach. To quote David:
When you're first starting out, you'll feel AA in most social contexts, in most social settings. However, when you get more comfortable, and competent, you'll feel less AA, and even none at all in that particular social setting.
For me, I've become comfortable approaching in certain clubs, especially in ones where people are there to mingle and network. I am, however, a lot less comfortable in approaching on the Mrt. I've never had a good experience on the Mrt, because I've never tried. Zero. I have never opened a set on the Mrt. The excuse that I have in my head all the time is that if I get blown out, people (and the girl) will look at me for the remainder of the trip. It's a social pressure thing. (But then again I know that nobody knows me on the train anyway, so I really shouldn't be all that bothered-it's an excuse, and I'm aware of it)
Until I find that one good experience, this is going to be my sticking point.
Another thing that can help your AA is to set a time limit. For example, that you'll leave the venue in one hour. I've tried this with several Aura members and it's helped them overcome their AA that evening, especially in a club. It's funny how in the last 20 minutes or so, they will abandon all social anxiety and approach freely. I advise you to try this for yourself as well if you don't believe me. Bring a wing to hold you accountable to the time.
The key to overcoming AA is finding good experiences. That means that until you have that one good experience, its going to be difficult for you to grasp with that fear, and you will always be making excuses for why you didn't approach. To quote David:
"Social confidence is a situational confidence. It takes experience and practice"
When you're first starting out, you'll feel AA in most social contexts, in most social settings. However, when you get more comfortable, and competent, you'll feel less AA, and even none at all in that particular social setting.
For me, I've become comfortable approaching in certain clubs, especially in ones where people are there to mingle and network. I am, however, a lot less comfortable in approaching on the Mrt. I've never had a good experience on the Mrt, because I've never tried. Zero. I have never opened a set on the Mrt. The excuse that I have in my head all the time is that if I get blown out, people (and the girl) will look at me for the remainder of the trip. It's a social pressure thing. (But then again I know that nobody knows me on the train anyway, so I really shouldn't be all that bothered-it's an excuse, and I'm aware of it)
Until I find that one good experience, this is going to be my sticking point.
Another thing that can help your AA is to set a time limit. For example, that you'll leave the venue in one hour. I've tried this with several Aura members and it's helped them overcome their AA that evening, especially in a club. It's funny how in the last 20 minutes or so, they will abandon all social anxiety and approach freely. I advise you to try this for yourself as well if you don't believe me. Bring a wing to hold you accountable to the time.
One other thing that can help reduce your AA is to build positive momentum. You can read about David's experiences with an evening with negative momentum here, and I'm surprised to find that it even affects a lady-killer like him. To pull a quote from that article:
So, try to be the social man every single day. It helps to keep your momentum going. I found this to be true myself. I feel a lot more social and able to meet people if I've spent the day with discussion groups and friends, as opposed to a day spent at home and then going out to a club.
One last thing that I need to incorporate into my mindset(yes I'm guilty of this too):
"Negative Momentum. It’s a killer. We as social beings, especially us introverts, have a natural tendency toward negative momentum. If we do nothing, or if we act our normal introverted selves, we generate negative momentum."
"Every minute that accumulates between the time you leave your home to the time you actually finally have a conversation with someone will result in generating negative momentum."
So, try to be the social man every single day. It helps to keep your momentum going. I found this to be true myself. I feel a lot more social and able to meet people if I've spent the day with discussion groups and friends, as opposed to a day spent at home and then going out to a club.
One last thing that I need to incorporate into my mindset(yes I'm guilty of this too):
"When you call the activity of going out to meet girls ’sarging,’ you set it apart from what you do in the rest of your life. Rather than thinking about meeting and attracting girls as just a part of their everyday lives and an expression of their natural and ideal personalities, they instead isolate it to some clearly demarcated and now anxiety-ridden time and place."
"Stop acting as if chatting up that cute girl in the bar is something special or out of the norm. You’re just being social!"Stay Strong,
Echelon
Singapore Dating Academy: AURA
To overcome approach anxiety permanently, you need to change the perceived challenge. Learn the techniques here.
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