The art of conversation (II): Drop the Pretence

Up until recently, I only knew 2 types of Genuine Interest Direct (GID).

1)The Standard long version: "I saw you doing X activity and I wanted to come over and tell you that I think you are Y adjective"

2)The abridged/club version: "You're so distracting, who are you?"

In a recent ambassador class, I learnt a variation of the the GID which is called "Drop the pretence".
What is "Pretence"? The Cambridge dictionary defines it as "A way of behaving that is intended to deceive people". A pretence is basically an excuse, like talking to a girl for 10 minutes on how the weather is today.You're not really interested, but it's an indirect way of striking up a conversation.  So dropping the pretence is a way of being genuine and also builds believability. Interestingly, other social guys like Chase Amante use it as well (he calls it the indirect direct), and it's been taught way back by guys like Sebastian Drake. Anyway here's how it goes:


"X excuse" Then drop the pretense. (Cut her off before she finishes her sentence) "Actually I just saw you standing there and I just wanted to meet you"


The X excuse should be used to pace the reality of the situation - in other words, it should be situationally relevant.


So if you're at a bookstore and you meet a girl, you can say:
"hey what do you think about this book? I think its really thought provoking. Then drop the pretence. Actually I just saw you standing there and I just wanted to meet you." (Cut her off before she finishes her sentence)


Alternatively, if for whatever reason you don't want to drop the pretence, you can just flow with the conversation and see where it takes you, as an option. No hard and fast rules.


So what are some good situationally relevant pretences? Here are some general ones:

Recommend something.

Get recommendations

What's the difference between x and y?

Have you tried the xyz drink?

You look like a starbucks pro. Have you tried xyz?

Do you prefer x or y? 

I've heard that xyz. What do you think about it?

-->Always give reasons for asking that question

Pacing the reality is really important. By making situationally relevant, you are able to connect with her present situation. I feel that this helps to bridge to the next topic (whatever it is) more easily, rather than come out from the blue. It also helps you to gauge whether she will be responsive, whether there will be language barriers (eg if she doesn't understand english) before you show some genuine interest. For some guys who have trouble using the GID directly, this should be a good alternative to use.

Have Fun!
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA