A kind of man I admire...

I've been watching Korean romance films recently just for fun, and some of them are really far from reality in terms of making romance happen. But I saw an interesting film that pretty well encapsulates the kind of man that I admire. The film is called everybody has secrets, and its a story of a man who comes into the family and seduces all the sisters without each of them finding out. It's based on the American film About Adam but I find that the Korean version is much better.

This is a dangerous man. He demonstrates so many of the key elements: Vulnerability, plausible deniability, humour, sexual tension, and never loses his frame. He demonstrates dominance over other males (the brother). He's firm, never engages the ladies in logical arguments, ignores their questions. He's alpha, but not in a threatening way. His voice is slow and smooth. He doesn't waste words. His body language and movement slow and sexy. It's just great. And he's always smiling, and so smooth, but never gets caught. If you're looking for an Asian role model, this is pretty good in my opinion.

If you have time, you can watch it below. It's pretty entertaining as well :)

Part 1: 

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Part 6:

Part 7:

Part 8:

Part 9:

Happy Watching!
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

How to build up alcohol tolerance

As with any party, especially during the holiday season, there's usually a lot of alcohol going around. If you can hold your liquor, great for you! Unfortunately for me, I have an embarrassingly low alcohol tolerance. Apparently, I'm lacking an enzyme that breaks down alcohol so I blush easily, but its common amongst East Asians, so I don't feel so bad.

One way to deal with that is to avoid drinking, and that's par for the course on game nights. On other nights, or at social events, sometimes drinking is inevitable. So here are some ways of building up alcohol tolerance:

1. Start drinking more. I found that as I attended more parties my alcohol tolerance did increase over time. In fact, I started to like the taste of alcohol. But after abstaining from parties and clubs for a while my tolerance went back down. The trick is to take in a drink once in a while.
2. Build Mass. The research shows that "Direct alcohol tolerance is largely dependent on body size". Therefore, a larger person has a larger alcoholic tolerance than a small person. This explains why Caucasians in general can drink more than Asians, although there are cultural exceptions to that rule. Therefore, to drink more, exercise and build muscle mass. Or you could get fat. That works too.
3. Keep to the same drink. This helps your body adapt to its alcoholic content faster. The converse is true: mixing drinks or drinking different liquors in the same night will get you drunk faster because they work at different rates. So stick to the same drink. This also means that you should avoid cocktails like Long Island Tea, which is a mixture of vodka, gin, tequila and rum. You can view their individual alcohol percentages here.

Short term tips:

1. Eat a full meal before drinking. Carbs and oily food seems to delay the effects of alcohol. Don't drink on an empty stomach
2. Drink lots of water after. Alcohol is dehydrating and water helps to prevent a really bad hangover. 
3. Don't drink all at once. Sip if possible. The faster you drink it in, the faster the alcohol works on you.
4. Alternate between an alcoholic and non-alcoholic drink. Unless they serve the non-alcoholic beverage in a non-alcoholic glass type, no one will be able to tell the difference. Take out any large straws since that generally indicates a non-alcoholic drink.
5. Don't drink carbonated alcoholic drinks, they get you drunk faster. This also means that if you are choosing a mixer for your drinks, something non-fizzy is better (like green tea) compared to a gassy drink like 7-up.

If you live in Singapore, and you don't want to break the legal drinking limit (for drivers), calculate the alcohol in your bloodstream here.


Happy partying and Merry Xmas!:)
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Fashion and Appearance (I): Hairstyles

In the social arts, appearance is importance. One of my sticking points is finding the right hairstyle for me. This has been difficult, and a lot of hairstylists have asked me what I want when I'm in the salon.  The  problem is, I don't know what I want, because I don't know what suits my face and features. After months of trial and error, I've decided to do some proper research and condense what I've found here, so that my readers may benefit and choose a hairstyle that flatters them.

If you're completely clueless, like I was, a great guide to hairstyles and terminology can be found at Hudson's guide to Men's Short haircuts. There's also a Hudson's guide for facial hair and grooming, but I didn't really bother about that since I don't have much facial hair.

So basically, you want to pick a hairstyle that accentuates your best features and covers your flaws. The features that I will address here are:

1. Forehead
2. Ears
3. Eyes
4. Mouth
5. Neck
6. Overall face shape
7. Body build
8. Side profile

1. Forehead

If you have a high forehead (like me), it's generally good to consider fringe/bangs styled forward onto the face in the style that you choose, to minimise the amount of forehead visible. If you have a low forehead, style your hair away from your face, either backwards or to the sides.

For High foreheads, try:
- square bangs
- A sweeping bang which goes across the brow is a good styling option which will balance out any extra length that a high hairline/larger forehead can add to the face.

2. Ears
If you have protruding ears, you will want to find a hairstyle that will cover your ears to at least half way down. People with large or protruding ears can still show off the lobes and disguise their size by hiding the top area. This is because many people do not have evenly balanced ears, and one ear may protrude more than the other(like me). Ideally, the top of your ear should align with the eyebrow and the bottom should align with the nose. Your hairstyle should not draw attention to your ears, and do not cut your hair too short behind your ears when choosing short styles.

In the long run, however, if your ears really stick out like Dumbo, you might want to consider otoplasty as a solution.  Brad pitt reportedly underwent this procedure before.

3. Eyes 
Check if you have Close Set Eyes - where the space between your eyes is shorter than the length of one of your eyes). Close Set Eyes may also give off the appearance that your eyes are too small. If so, style your hair forward on the sides of your face, and this makes the face more normally proportioned. Adding volume on the side makes the eyes appear wider.

With Wide Set Eyes (like me): Keep the hair away from the face, and avoid volume on the sides of the hairstyle. Keeping the style off the face increases the amount of skin visible on the outer sides of the eyes and makes the the balance seem in proportion. 

4.Mouth

Small mouth: Consider a shorter, blunt cut to draw the line of the face inward and make the jaw seem less wide and more balanced with the mouth.
Wide mouth: Choose longer sweeping styles that avoid crowding the face, but still act as a frame for the face as a whole

5. Neck

Long Neck (like me): Avoid styles that are too short and up-swept at the nape(back of the neck). Try keeping longer hair on your neck.

Short Neck: Cut your hair shorter at the nape. Try a style that is mid level with your neck or above it in length.

6. Overall face shape
This is arguably the most important factor in determining a hairstyle, and there is so much material on this factor. There are roughly 8 face shape types, and you can find your face shape here. (Mine's Oval) Once you have determined your face shape, check out some styling guidelines here.

More on face shapes...what makes someone attractive? (from The Pretty Project)
The symmetrical face....

Superficially, there is a formula for facial beauty involving symmetry … It happens to be the standard for learning to draw portraits. The eyes are just above half of the way down the front of the head and should be 1/5 of the width of the face. Ears should lay flat to the head for the most part and extend from mid eye to the opening of the mouth. Lip edges should line up with the pupil of the eye, no thicker than the closed eyelid. The nose should be at the base just larger than the eye width and sit not too far above the lips. The bridge of the nose should extend straight and not be too protruding or flat. The chin should be gently rounded and smooth. The face in general should be oval shaped with smooth skin and clear cheekbones. And the eyebrows should be tame and separate, but not too thin.

Unfortunately for our perpetually youthful-looking friends of both sexes, babyfaceness isn’t associated with attractiveness.

Lastly, there's an interesting video here from the discovery channel about what constitutes attractive facial features.

7. Body Build 

Slim Body Build (like me): Choose a style that is bigger in proportion. A style that is fuller and has more volume. Adding waves and curls will help. Layering is good as well.

Average Body Build: Anything is good for you

Large Body Build: Don't choose a style such as a full high hair as this will make you larger. Don't choose wavy or curly hair. Try short cuts!

Original source here.

8. Side profile

For flat features, choose a style that pulls the hair back from the face and add volume along the top and back to add depth to your profile.(ie spiky hair) A short layered, or graduated cut styled with additional volume can have the desired effect.

original source here.

If you don't wish to understand any of this, you can just use the online simulator here to help you pick some good hairstyles. They'll even compile a short report based on your inputs and recommend some good hairstyles for you. If you're in the Aura Academy, there is also the option of having a one-on-one fashion consultation for an additional fee.

So for me, I have determined that the best hairstyle for me is one with bangs on my face to minimise the forehead, hair that covers at least half of my ears, some volume on the side(ears>eyes), some length on the back of my head covering the neck, and layer the haircut. Something like that:

Some spikes would be good as well.

And checkout coolmenshair.

Have fun experimenting!

Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Do Women have more friends than Men?

I recently had to figure out whether men or women have more friends in general. My personal bias is that the average woman has more friends than the average man, but lets have a look at what the research shows:

I came across an interesting phenomenon on why your friends have more friends than you do. The gist of the analysis is that you are more likely to be friends with someone who has more friends than with someone who has fewer friends. To rephrase that, you probably have, in your social circle, someone who has a lot of friends (a connector) who is tipping the mean number of friends that the average person has. But that doesn't really answer our question. The connector could be a male or female...but which is more likely?

The advent of online networks has made such research possible. Based on studies done on online social networks, there is a higher likelihood for a connector to be female. Also Women who are "social networkers" also tend to have more friends than their male counterparts. Interestingly, when it came to the extreme end of friend-making, ie a huge number of friends(1000-10000++), there were more men (Super/uber connnectors) who had these networks of friends than ladies. But these guys were a rarity, constituting less than 1% of the sample set.

Why do women appear to be have more friends?

Part of the reason could because of biology. In stressful situations, the fight or flight response is triggered in males. Women have a larger repertoire of behaviours, and the research is showing that a female response to stress is to gather with other women instead, whereas in men it would be to seek isolation. You can read the paper here. Women with social networks that are heavily female populated tend to live longer as well. (Women tend to give better care than men)

Women also gather with other women for safety. Interestingly, the research also highlights that when a woman is given the chance of support from an unfamiliar male or being by her herself, she would prefer to be by herself. (Men are seen as a potential source of danger, eg spousal abuse etc.). 

Thanks for pointing this out. But how is this useful to me...?

Well, for one, if you are planning to grow the number of friends you have, you are better off befriending women than men, since they have on average more friends that they can introduce to you than the average male.

Another interesting result of women having more friends is that they can cope romantic relationships better. Simon and Barett show that:

Young men are more reactive to the quality of ongoing relationships because romantic partners are their primary sources of intimacy, in contrast to young women who tend to have intimate relationships with family and friends. 

Young men also feel more of the emotional strain in a relationship because they invest more in a relationship and are less familiar with navigating romantic relationships. In the Aura Academy, we are taught to control investment levels (the ladies as well as our own), so a lot of this social arts stuff has very practical as well as emotional value.


Just good to know:)


XXX, 
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Reflections on the Ambassador Graduation Infield requirement

To pass the ambassador graduation infield, I was required to bring 8 girls to rockstar night. 8 girls is a challenge because, for one, you never see girls hang out in groups of 8. 8 is too large and simply not a sustainable group size, and even less so if they are all girls.

My strategy for bringing 8 girls with me for rockstar night was twofold:
(1) Invite many girls
(2) Set integration/management on rockstar night itself

To determine how many girls to invite, I had to estimate the flake rate that I would encounter. Based on my experience from the acolyte infield, I estimated that for every 3 girls I invite, 1 girl would turn up(33%). Metrics like that are useful because they helped me decide how many girls I needed to meet and invite for rockstar night. Since I needed to bring 8 girls for rockstar night, I needed to invite 24 girls. Once I figured that out, it was a question of scheduling my time to hit the clubs. When I was planning this I had 3 weeks to rockstar night, so I needed to number close at least 8 girls a week. If I hit the clubs twice a week, that's not so difficult. I just need to get 4 numbers in a night.

I tried this and it worked out pretty well. Soon I had a list of numbers and I invited them for rockstar night. My estimate was quite accurate, and I had narrowed it down to 8 solid RSVPs.

Then the F1 came to town and David changed the date for rockstar night. I found out about it just 4 days before the actual night. This was bad. I informed my girls about it, and the reaction wasn't good. In an instant, half my contact list couldn't make it. They would be out of town. The rest of the list had already flaked. I needed to start over, and I had a week to do so.

So I hit Attica twice, and number closed like a whirlwind. I even number closed a girl on the train on the way to Clarke quay. I was pretty stressed, and girls can be so unpredictable. I pulled one of the girls I had met from Attica and we made out all the way to her place. Two days later she tells me not to text her anymore. Such is the nature of a woman. You don't ask why they are like that, you accept their nature and you try to work with them.

On Wednesday, 3 days before rockstar night, I sent an invite text and RSVP. Rockstar night was promoted as a friend's birthday, and they were invited to join in the fun. David teaches in the ambassador level promoter class that the best time to invite people for a party is 24-48 hours before the actual event. I was actually a bit early, but I needed to know. If the response was bad, I could at least get some more numbers at Butterfactory in the evening on ladies night.

The response was eerily silent. Most didn't reply. Some replied saying that they couldn't make it. Only 3 could make it. I think, at this point, everyone was suffering post F1 party week fatigue. Or maybe the event itself was not compelling (who wants to go for a birthday party when they don't know the birthday guy?). In any case, the response was really bad.

Over the next few days, the replies slowly came in. I had 14 "maybes". The common response was "I don't know what i'm doing on Saturday. I check with my friends and get back to you?" Maybes are never good because they will most likely flake. What I've also found is that a "yes, i'm coming" doesn't actually mean they'll come, especially if they promise you a week in advance. The earlier they promise you, the greater the need to confirm it later.

On Saturday itself, I only had 5 confirmed and 8 maybes. This wasn't good enough, because if half of them flaked i wouldn't hit 8. With great reluctance, I invited one of my close girlfriends from school, and persuaded her to invite 2 of our mutual friends along. I didn't want to touch my professional contacts, but I saw no other way. Thankfully, the three of them came, and they came early. We even had dinner before going to Attica. None of them flaked. This was when it hit me:

My flakes were so high because I didn't really know the girls I was inviting, and they didn't know me. This task would be a lot easier if I had a social circle, and my close friends were my social circle.

It was also a mistake to invite a girl and ask them to bring their friends along. Soul had been doing this and so was I. There were two problems with this approach:

1) She doesn't feel like you are inviting her because she's special. In fact, she feels that you are using her to get to know her friends. ("invite my girlfriends? But they are all attached.")

2) It's not always easy for girls to bring along a few of their friends. When their friends don't want to go, they won't go as well. It takes work to bring their friends along, and
why should they work so hard to bring their friends along for you?


If I were to do it all over again, I would invite a core group of girls who are all friends and see how I can grow the group by inviting more mutual girlfriends. That would be much easier.


The night itself


When the first 8 showed up at attica, I had a different set of problems.

The first problem was how to get them in without paying the cover charge. I staggered their arrival to make use of the citibank card promotion to get them in for free (before 11pm).

But there were others that arrived after 11pm. This is where it helps to know the bouncers and door people. There are several tricks that i use at Attica:

1) You can plead with the door host (Bara) if you see her to let you in.
2) There is a bartender named Ben who's name you can drop. Tell the bouncer that you are Ben's friend. This hardly works and what you might get is Bara coming to greet you.
3) Make a strong entrance. If you are with girls, you lead first with the stamp on your hand and just pull them along. The bouncers may check for the stamp on the girls but once they make some noise they'll usually be let in.
4) If you are with just 1 girl, hold her hand and lead her through the entrance. They'll usually let you in. If you are stopped, tell the bouncer that she is your girlfriend, and don't let go of her hand. The bouncers will usually relent.

It also helps that you know the door people if you are a regular there. One guy I know buys food for the bouncers to build rapport with them. Others are just seen there often.

The second problem I faced was keeping track of everyone once they were in the club. I was chatting with an Aura member about this and he said "Why not just let them run free in the club?". What he didn't understand is that girls don't answer their phones in the club sometimes, for a variety of reasons. If I don't know where they are, and let them run free, I won't be able to find them later to bring them to David. My greatest concern was that with a group of 8 girls, guys will come in and pull them away. If they leave the club with my girls before I introduce them to David, then all that effort would be wasted.

As I mentioned before, 8 is not a sustainable group size, and so the group naturally fragmented at the smoking area where we were gathered. Some of my "maybes" showed up and I was pleasantly surprised, even though some came with a guy. In total, my count for the night was 12 girls and 2 guys. I had passed the infield.

That was a lot of hard work man.



XXX,
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Taking it to the next level - Being a Promoter

There are a lot of parties in Singapore at night, and if you party a lot, it makes sense to find a way to support that lifestyle. One way is being a promoter for a club, and you know who these people are because they are always inviting you to parties and events at this club or that. Depending on their commission structure, they might get a percentage of the ticket sales, a percentage of the bar (usually 10%), commissions from tables, and most commonly a flat rate for the number of girls that they bring to the club. If you see these people, make friends with them. Promoters (the good ones) are very sociable people. In fact, they'll get your number and/or your facebook contact, or give you theirs readily. It's part of their business. Just knowing a powerful promoter puts you on mulitple guestlists in many clubs in Singapore, so it's definitely worth the investment in terms of time and energy.


Befriending promoters have other benefits as well. Some can bring you into the club without paying and bypassing the queue. More importantly, some promoters will want to work with you after befriending you, seeing you around at parties a lot, and looking at the people that you bring with you. What they do is create a guestlist for you and the commission is split between the two of you. This is how I got in the first place.

Most of the promoters I've met in Singapore tend to be girls, very few guys, and I'm not sure why this is the case. There's a status advantage for being a promoter, so it will raise your social value, and the hot girls will want to meet you.

Becoming a Promoter takes time. It's a skillset that is taught in the Ambassador class and is pretty powerful for upping your lifestyle to the next level. Suffice to say, you'll need to build social capital with the right people in a club to become a promoter. You'll want to be seen with women and bringing in business to the club. Girls are the currency of a club. Some see the graduation requirement for ambassador as a precedent for entourage game, but it can also be used to build a promoter lifestyle. That means you get paid to club. Pretty sweet huh?

Ideally, you'll want to hit that club at least twice a week just to be seen there and to build your social capital.

When you do become a promoter and you have a guestlist of your own. Then it's partyyy time!
Start spreading the word, and get paid for your lifestyle:)


XXX,
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

The art of conversation (II): Drop the Pretence

Up until recently, I only knew 2 types of Genuine Interest Direct (GID).

1)The Standard long version: "I saw you doing X activity and I wanted to come over and tell you that I think you are Y adjective"

2)The abridged/club version: "You're so distracting, who are you?"

In a recent ambassador class, I learnt a variation of the the GID which is called "Drop the pretence".
What is "Pretence"? The Cambridge dictionary defines it as "A way of behaving that is intended to deceive people". A pretence is basically an excuse, like talking to a girl for 10 minutes on how the weather is today.You're not really interested, but it's an indirect way of striking up a conversation.  So dropping the pretence is a way of being genuine and also builds believability. Interestingly, other social guys like Chase Amante use it as well (he calls it the indirect direct), and it's been taught way back by guys like Sebastian Drake. Anyway here's how it goes:


"X excuse" Then drop the pretense. (Cut her off before she finishes her sentence) "Actually I just saw you standing there and I just wanted to meet you"


The X excuse should be used to pace the reality of the situation - in other words, it should be situationally relevant.


So if you're at a bookstore and you meet a girl, you can say:
"hey what do you think about this book? I think its really thought provoking. Then drop the pretence. Actually I just saw you standing there and I just wanted to meet you." (Cut her off before she finishes her sentence)


Alternatively, if for whatever reason you don't want to drop the pretence, you can just flow with the conversation and see where it takes you, as an option. No hard and fast rules.


So what are some good situationally relevant pretences? Here are some general ones:

Recommend something.

Get recommendations

What's the difference between x and y?

Have you tried the xyz drink?

You look like a starbucks pro. Have you tried xyz?

Do you prefer x or y? 

I've heard that xyz. What do you think about it?

-->Always give reasons for asking that question

Pacing the reality is really important. By making situationally relevant, you are able to connect with her present situation. I feel that this helps to bridge to the next topic (whatever it is) more easily, rather than come out from the blue. It also helps you to gauge whether she will be responsive, whether there will be language barriers (eg if she doesn't understand english) before you show some genuine interest. For some guys who have trouble using the GID directly, this should be a good alternative to use.

Have Fun!
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Recording your approaches

To measure improvement in the social arts, it can be useful to record your approaches and interactions. For me, in terms of approaches, I record the following information:

(1) Sets I opened

(2) Sets I hooked (number close or instant date)

(3) Sets I passed up.

(2)/(1) measures your hit rate, so you know how many sets you have to open, on average, to get a hit. The "hook" here refers to some event with tangible results, like a number close or instant date, and not the actual use of the term. A simple conversation can have many hook points, but that's another thing altogether.

(3)/(1+3) measures the percentage of opportunities that are passing by, girls that passed that you could have approached but you didn't take it.

So for example, on the way to meet T on 12 sept, I recorded the following:

12/9/11

(1) Sets I opened: 3

(2) Sets I hooked: 0

(3) Sets I passed up: 3

So for that day, my hit rate was 0%, and my pass up rate was 50%. That means I could have approached 50% more but I didn't, for whatever reason, I have to reflect. On average, my hit rate for GID is between 1/7 - 1/6 or 14-16%. I know that for every 7 or so sets that I GID, 1 should "hook". 

Why do I want to measure my Hit rate? This is useful when I need to do some goal planning. Say I need to bring 3 girls for the acolyte infield on rockstar night. I know that for 7 sets that I open, 1 will hook. So if I need to bring 3 girls, I need to approach at least 21 sets before rockstar night. This is also useful if you plan to bring social proof to a party coming up on your horizon soon.

There is also a conversion rate that I'm thinking about, ie how many numbers convert into lays, or how many first dates convert into lays, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet, or whether that is even useful.

Interestingly yours, 

Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Time Management

Where does all my time go...?

I recently found a way to manage my time better via the Pomodoro Technique. It breaks down your time into chunks of 25 minutes and teaches you a system to keep track of your time for tasks that you need to do...like a research paper that I'm supposed to be writing now lol.

The ebook on the method is available on the link provided, or you can click here to download it. The method is named after the Pomodoro (Italian for Tomato) timer that is often used in a kitchen to keep track of time.

So that's 25 minutes of pure concentration time. And then a break of 5 minutes. If you have to break or do something other than the task while the clock is ticking, then you don't get to record a tick next to the task. One tick =  One Pomodoro. See how many Pomodoros it takes to complete your task. You get to take a 15 min break every 4 pomodoros.

The good thing about this is that there's an iphone app, so you can download it to keep track of your progress and productivity. It's called the Pomodoro timer. There's a more advanced version of the app for the ipad, but I haven't tested that yet. It looks really nice though., with in built features to keep track of tasks and to prioritise them as well.

Stay focused,
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Getting Tested for STDs...

As I got better in the social arts, I thought it might be prudent to go for a check up to clear me of any STDs. One girl I slept with before told me that I was her first...I later found out, a year later, that I was her seventh. That was a real shocker for me. I think, as a precaution, it might be good to go for a check up once every 6 months or so. A friend of mine, actually, his dad, used to make him go for a check up every 6 months or so. His dad wouldn't bother about what he actually did as long as he went for his check ups lol.

If you're in a University, they can usually do the checkups for you at a subsidised rate, and the medication that they give is damn cheap, especially the morning-after-pill. So if you're in a college and you can take advantage of this, go for it.

Otherwise, you can just google for STD clinics in your area. If you're in Singapore, the cheaper (government subsidised) medical centre is the National Skin Centre. Do be warned though, in the event that you are tested HIV positive, they will do a contact tracing and inform all your sexual partners. This is mandatory, apparently.

If you want have a discreet checkup, check out the DSC clinic. They won't do any contact tracing or anything like that, so it's much more discreet. They charge full rates, however, so it helps if you know what you want to test for. Do also check out the free condoms that they hand out at the entrance:)

Lastly, don't bother trying to get free testing by donating blood. It's not a comprehensive checkup, and if you lie on your donation form about the purpose for your blood donation (to get a free STD checkup), you are criminally liable so its definitely not worth it. If you happen to pass the medical screening but the patient who receives your blood gets some disease from your blood transfusion down the road, you are also criminally liable. So again, it's definitely not worth it. Don't do it.

Live Strong,
Echelon



Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

My most important lesson from David and the essence of Aura

If you would ask me one day what the most profound impact david has had on my life, I would reply that it has less to do with women, and more to do with myself.

Learning with David has opened my eyes. I hate that cliche expression but I don't have a better phrase that describes it so well. He's opened my eyes in terms of what is possible, but more importantly, he's taught me to be comfortable with myself, what I have, and how to be assertive. It's interesting how such qualities go a long way in life and not just in the academy. These lessons were not taught in the lectures that he gave, they were given to me in the 1-1 interactions between us. Early on he mentioned that the 1-1 would be the true value that he was offering. Personal access to him. He was right.

My perspective of the leveling system in aura mirrors that growth. When he first introduced the leveling system in aura, I thought to myself "Nah he's just making us jump through hoops. No way am I going to do his stupid infield tests. I'm just going to stay at apprentice with everyone" But as I saw the excitement build up around the apprentices at the time on the first rockstar night, I decided to give it a shot. David told me to approach these girls, and I did. It wasn't that hard, but I didn't realize that others had much more difficulty with it. Because my promotion came so easily, I took it for granted. It would be another 5 months before I would graduate to ambassador.

The level system, as I see it now, represents different levels of growth.

As an apprentice, you're just starting out. You have to learn what's in the dark before you can face it. Your graduation requirement requires you to demonstrate that you can face the darkness and charm 3 girls to bounce with you. Such a skill is foundational for later skill sets.

As an acolyte, you start to have an awareness that you might have some control over that darkness. The essence of the acolyte level is the social circle, which takes a long time to form, but it will serve as a council for you as you grow from strength to strength. The test of such an ability is the graduation requirement of 3 girls together, united and by your side. It also demonstrates your ability to bring social proof when you need it, which is very important.

At the ambassador level, you get the sense that you could actually become a real mover and shaker in the underground. A lord, if you will, of the darkness. You fight at a level that most people are unaware of. You influence and build social networks in a way that is unheard of. People don't know what you doing, which is both natural and in a very big way. You think on a more macro level. The graudation requirements are hard. Like playing a game on nightmare mode. There are no saves, you have to take more risks, tougher enemies and go at it with all the skills you've learnt in the previous 2 levels. If you make it, you become a master.

What's at mastery? I don't know. From what I heard from David, it seems that its a more workshop style. Who knows. At that time, your aura will probably be so strong your presence will be felt.

It's the journey that counts, not the end.


XXX,
Echelon

Ps: Has anyone looked up the meaning of echelon? ;)

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Approaching on the train

On the way home today, I decided to open a set on the mrt. I've been putting this on hold for very long as I've never been very comfortable opening a set in such a socially confined space.

I saw a tall girl standing next to the mrt pole and GID her. Hers's our conversation:

Me: GID
Her: You know, you shouldn't pick up people on the train
Me: why is that?
Her: it's awkward. Don't you think this is awkward?
Me: yeah. It's a bit awkward. <2 afa questions> what's your name?
Her: C
Me: Hi C, where are u going?
Her: I'm heading home at xx stop
Me: oh, I'm heading to yy stop. I live there.
Her: I see. Thanks for you complement by the way, but I have a boyfriend.
Me: wanted to say that you look like the kind of girl that would have at least 2 boyfriends, but it was too early for that. huh. What do u do btw?
Her: I'm a musician
Me: what do u play?
Her: The guitar

At this point, it would have been a good idea to SnQ.
But I tried to get into a more comfortable power position with my back to something and I managed to do that but I miscalculated and lost the set when she didn't follow me to my nice little power position.

Oh well. It was a good try.

XXX,
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

A date with T

T, a friend of mine that I recently hooked up with, invited me to her Pilates class. I always thought that Pilates is for women but since she invited me I decided to check it out. One of the nice things about having female friends is that they will invite you into their world if they like you enough, and then you can explore the feminine side of things.

Pilates is tough man. It involves difficult poses that involve muscles that we don't normally use. After the class, the instructor invited me to the front and asked me to do some of the exercises again. She was spot on some of the muscles that I need to train up, such as the back extensors and my lats. Hats off to the Pilates instructor. I have new found respect for the women every where who do Pilates.

T and I had dinner and then we went for a walk. We eventually wound up at her place, but because her housemates were around we went to the roof. There's a great view of the area from the roof, which is a good 13 stories high. For some reason, there was a mattress there as well. I guess someone must have left it there to sun it. It was a logistical godsend.

I've never had sex on a rooftop with a nice mattress before. It's actually a nice experience, if you don't mind the possibility that someone from another rooftop might be spying on you from the darkness. Some girls like that thrill of having sex in public.

My only concern is that the mattress might have had bugs, but I think we're fine. I don't think the owner of the mattress would be very happy in the morning though, we left quite a mess for him behind:)




XXX,
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Date with J

J is a beautician that I met at a local spa centre. She was very friendly, helpful and easy to talk to so I got her number and asked her out. It took a few tries but she agreed to meet me last night for dinner.

I find that girls take it really well when you complement them on their dressing, especially if they dress up for you. J was wearing really dressy sandals and that was the first thing I said when I met her at the mrt near my place. Dinner was at an eatery near my place, and then to a familiar roof garden in the area for isolation.

Sometimes you never know what a person is like until she tells you her lifestory. I love listening to life stories, it gives you a great sense of who the person is, what the person has experienced, and why the person is the person I see today. As she is talking and sharing, she's giving you investment, both by talking (doing the work) and sharing her private information. You don't have to constantly think of how to drive the conversation, which leaves one less thing for you to worry about.

J shared how she came from a family that used to run a traditional family medicine business, and how she eventually wound up in Singapore working in a Spa. She showed me some pictures on her phone, which included a few pictures of tattoos. I was surprised that she had a few tattoos on her body, and in the relative isolation on the roof garden she showed them to me, one on back just below the neck, and the other just above her bum. She also has a naval ring, which she undid and pulled out the stud for me to examine. Wow. I couldn't tell any of this just by looking at her...she looks so nice. I was reminded of a quote by Zan Perrion:

"The more a girl likes you, the more virtuous she will appear"

Apparently, in her younger days, she was an extreme party goer, short skirts, hard liquor, late nights, boyfriends. Now that she's older she's mellowed a lot. I listened to her as I caressed her tattoos.

I took her back to my place but not long enough to seduce her. She needed to get home for work early tomorrow, so I didn't force it. Some times patience is needed for these things. I bade her farewell and hoped to see her again.




Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Overcoming Approach Anxiety and Meeting People Naturally

Approach Anxiety (AA) is something that we all feel when meeting people. The extent of the AA can be quite bad for some people, especially those starting out in the social arts.

The key to overcoming AA is finding good experiences. That means that until you have that one good experience, its going to be difficult for you to grasp with that fear, and you will always be making excuses for why you didn't approach. To quote David:

"Social confidence is a situational confidence. It takes experience and practice"

When you're first starting out, you'll feel AA in most social contexts, in most social settings. However, when you get more comfortable, and competent, you'll feel less AA, and even none at all in that particular social setting.

For me, I've become comfortable approaching in certain clubs, especially in ones where people are there to mingle and network. I am, however, a lot less comfortable in approaching on the Mrt. I've never had a good experience on the Mrt, because I've never tried. Zero. I have never opened a set on the Mrt. The excuse that I have in my head all the time is that if I get blown out, people (and the girl) will look at me for the remainder of the trip. It's a social pressure thing. (But then again I know that nobody knows me on the train anyway, so I really shouldn't be all that bothered-it's an excuse, and I'm aware of it) 

Until I find that one good experience, this is going to be my sticking point.

Another thing that can help your AA is to set a time limit. For example, that you'll leave the venue in one hour. I've tried this with several Aura members and it's helped them overcome their AA that evening, especially in a club. It's funny how in the last 20 minutes or so, they will abandon all social anxiety and approach freely. I advise you to try this for yourself as well if you don't believe me. Bring a wing to hold you accountable to the time.

One other thing that can help reduce your AA is to build positive momentum. You can read about David's experiences with an evening with negative momentum here, and I'm surprised to find that it even affects a lady-killer like him. To pull a quote from that article:

"Negative Momentum. It’s a killer. We as social beings, especially us introverts, have a natural tendency toward negative momentum. If we do nothing, or if we act our normal introverted selves, we generate negative momentum." 

"Every minute that accumulates between the time you leave your home to the time you actually finally have a conversation with someone will result in generating negative momentum."

So, try to be the social man every single day. It helps to keep your momentum going. I found this to be true myself. I feel a lot more social and able to meet people if I've spent the day with discussion groups and friends, as opposed to a day spent at home and then going out to a club.

One last thing that I need to incorporate into my mindset(yes I'm guilty of this too):

"When you call the activity of going out to meet girls ’sarging,’ you set it apart from what you do in the rest of your life. Rather than thinking about meeting and attracting girls as just a part of their everyday lives and an expression of their natural and ideal personalities, they instead isolate it to some clearly demarcated and now anxiety-ridden time and place."

"Stop acting as if chatting up that cute girl in the bar is something special or out of the norm. You’re just being social!"

Stay Strong,
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Date With S

I invited S, the girl that I had met at a opening of the royal room, a new high end club in Singapore, to an eatery near my place. Like I mentioned in a previous post, S is easily one of the more attractive women that I've asked out on a date. I'm surprised that she was available to meet me tonight.

On a date, it's important to remember the 5Cs of dating- cheap, convenient, changing time and location, contrasting emotional highs and lows. Of all the 5 Cs, the most important one, arguably, is conversation. This is a good time to run S&Q pieces, and escalate whenever possible.

My date was chatty, which was good and I didn't have to make so much of an effort to keep the conversation going. I seeded a bounce to a scenic spot nearby early on in the dinner so she knew that we were moving somewhere else later. In the end, my logistical plan was to take her home, and we bounced back to my place after an hour or so. In my head, I had several contingencies - if she wasn't quite ready to go back to my place, there is a great ice cream parlor that we could head to with seats that we can cuddle on. There's also a harrys if we want to grab drinks. Lastly, there's a park nearby if I want a place to isolate her and escalate.

Bringing her home wasn't straight forward-she didn't want to come back with me at first. I had to lead her home, and then surmount obstacles like my dad, before bringing her to my room.

Once in my room, in relative isolation, it's much easier to carry the seduction forward. Place stuff on any chairs and areas that could be used for sitting-You want her to sit your bed as soon as possible. Have one or two interesting pieces in your room that you can talk about. I have a italian painting of the navigli area in Milan where I used to stay, and that's a great story. I have a glass board that I write stuff on things that I need to do, which gives her a glimpse into my life. I also have a sports trophy from junior college, an autobiography of Tony Blair and an iPad. So there are quite a few things that she could pick up on. My date asked about the painting, good choice:)

She chose to sit on the bed, and I turned off the light and laid next to her. There was not much persuasion needed actually. She cuddled with me as she shared her life stories, but she still didn't want to kiss me. I had to play a game to get her to kiss me lol. But she sounded sad, and jaded. I think next time, I shall try to make my date as happy as possible before kissing and making love to her. I wonder if it will make a difference.

We made love in the morning, and then she left shortly after. I hope to see her again soon.



XXX,
Echelon



Singapore Dating Academy: Aura

The art of conversation (I): S&Q

The core of David's verbal technique is Screening and Qualifying (S&Q). Screening is basically seeing if someone meets your standards, and Qualifying is rewarding them for meeting your standards. He has written an excellent article on it here: http://www.doctorasianrake.com/2008/03/believability-the-key-to-elite-game/, so I won't touch so much on the actual S&Q sequence.

Instead, I would like to share some of the conversion threads to help along the process of screening.
Bascially, if you are having trouble elicting conversation from a girl, she's giving you one word answers, or you just want to keep the conversation flowing, you can try one of the following 3 screens:

1. Where you don't know what she's talking about. "Tell me about it"
2. Where you want to find out what she likes about whatever she just told you. "What do you like about X?" (This is great for investment as well)
3. Open-ended/Multiple threading. "What's your best experience with X?"

Here's an example:

Me: You look like a musical person
She: Yes
Me: What do you play?
She: Chinese Drum
Me: 1. (if you don't know what a Chinese Drum is) Tell me about it
       2. (if you want her to invest & find out more) What do you like about playing the Chinese drum?
       3. (Open-ended) What's your best experience playing the Chinese Drum?

Whatever she says after, you can qualify her with whatever you want. "That's so cool!", "I like that about you", "You're so gifted" etc.

The above sequences have worked for most conversations that I've had. If you can think of scenarios where it won't apply, let me know:)

Cheers,
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Logistics: What happens when you live with your parents?

I remember David saying that when you get good, all you have to manage is Logistics. I also hear this from other social artists in the field. One dating company, apparently, focuses solely on teaching their clients how to manage logistics. So yeah, logistics are important.

So what is logistics? There is a class in the acolyte level on managing logistics, but to sum it up, it refers to managing "Friends, public and private spaces, distances, time, the environment, emotional direction and mini-logistics" There's a lot to be said about those variables, which I just took off his slides, but that's not really the focus of this post. The question that I heard more often, when it comes to logistics in Singapore, is this:

"Dude! I met this girl at the club and I wanted to bounce her somewhere so I can close her, but I didn't have anywhere to bring her to! I can't bring her home because I live with my parents!"

I asked David about this problem before, and he broke it down for me. Basically, you have 2 choices: Short term and Long term fixes.

The Short term solution requires really solid planning and logistical awareness. This means that on the night of the seduction, you plan to close her in one of these areas:

1. parking lot
2. void deck
3. handicap toilet
4. budget hotel (or a fancy one if you can afford it)
5. Dark corner/isolated grass patch
6. Her place (if she lives with someone)
7. ...basically any place available that night that you think you'll be undisturbed. It depends on your creativity.

The problem with the short term solutions is that it's mostly once off. And most girls don't want to have sex with you again if you're always going to do it at handicap toilets (It's not romantic they say)

Now in the long term, however, you have the following options:

1. Sex in your car (if you have a car)
2. Move out and get a place of your own
3. Condition your parents (and family) to accept that you are going to be bringing girls home (And they will be leaving in the morning lol)

David advocates number 2, which in all honesty, is a bit odd in the Singaporean context. We just happen to live with our parents. We had a discussion once where David was sharing how young adults move out of their parents home when they are of age, and its a cultural norm there, so he never really had to deal with this problem. He made certain comparisons between the rental rates in New York and Singapore and how they were comparable (Cheaper even in singapore?) and that if that's done in New York, it can be done here. 

But that's an expensive option, to be frank, and a bit strange in Singapore.

The only other option available is number 3, which I think takes a bit of time to implement. You basically have to get your parents to see you bringing many girls home, and then progressively to your room. It takes time to condition them. At some point, your parents will probably ask you what you're doing bringing so many girls home, and you need to manage that by telling them that you're actively dating and this is the way that you want to do it. Be strong, be firm, and make sure that this is what you want, because it will cause friction within your family for some time. You need to be of the frame that this is normal for me and that I am man enough to bring girls back to my home.

On a side note, if you have over friendly parents, like mine, that will offer cookies and drinks to any guests and ask them about what they do, you need to manage that as well. Tell them to tone it down;)

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Lets talk about a framework...

The Framework that is taught at Aura is the VIB model. Value, Investment, Believability. That's it. From there, it branches into a myriad of different subtopics on how to build the individual aspects of Value, Investment and Believability, and there are many classes that focus on the theory and techniques to build all of those components, but that's for another time.

Generally speaking, as a social man, you want to rank highly on all 3 attributes. With those 3 in place, you'll have a much easier time building rapport with anybody, not just girls. Unfortunately, Value and Investment moves in tandem, but Believability moves in the opposite direction. A man with high Value and Investment but low Believability will be branded a player, and you'll have trouble sustaining a relationship. In fact, you'll often hear questions like "Why do you like me?" or "Do you tell this to all the girls?". This means that they like you, but they don't think that you're being genuine about them. Believability can be managed by being genuine, proper Screening & Qualifying (SnQ), reassurance and vulnerability, just to name a few techniques.

In other words,

• High value, High investment, but low Believability? --> Player

What about other scenarios? What happens when you have...

• High value, low investment, but high Believability? --->"Just friends". This is bad. You're not "Friends", but rather you're stuck in the friend zone. Take a break and try again.
• Low value, High Investment, High Believability?--->"Honest Guy in an arranged marriage". I don't think any of you guys are in this situation. 
• Low value, high investment, but low Believability?--->"Dictatorship". This is how Kim Jong ll gets his women!
• Low value, low investment, but high Believability?--->"Loser". This is where most guys are at when they are starting out. You're just being yourself, and the girl believes you, but you're just not offering enough value for her to be attracted to you.

The VIB model is a good way of thinking about how you are right now, and of course, since value is relative, the scales of the VIB are in flux depending on the girl in question. Most of the girls that I meet are around my age and I am relatively reassured of my value, but over the weekend I happened to meet an ex-investment banker who is well travelled and is a former pageant contestant, and I am meeting her again tomorrow for dinner for the first time since I met her. I think, in all honesty, that the value scales are stacked against me this time. This is unless I happen to hit her niche values (ie she is looking for someone just like me). Otherwise, I have to work on increasing my active and passive values, as well as universally attractive traits. But hey, it's all a learning experience right?

By the way, you can read about building believability here:
http://www.doctorasianrake.com/2008/03/believability-the-key-to-elite-game/

Have fun!:)

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

The Discovering Women Blog is Up and Running!

Hi everyone, welcome to the Discovering Women blog!

This is a blog that shares my thoughts and experiences in the social arts as I meet various women in my life.

My motivation for this enterprise is neatly summed up in this short narrative:


Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl very much. He wrote to her once a week and hung on her every word. He always remembered her birthday, her likes and dislikes, and spent his free time thinking of ways to make her happy. She was a very pretty girl, and he liked her smile very much.

And once upon a time, there was a very smiley, pretty girl.

One day, after years of spending time together, the boy summoned his courage and asked her to be his girlfriend. It felt very awkward, and he didn’t really know how to go about doing this.

The smiley, pretty girl declined. She wanted to be “just friends”. The boy wanted to kiss her, but she pushed him away. It was his first taste of unrequited love, and it crushed him. From that day, he set out on a journey to understand women and discover how to make them fall in love with him.

I am that boy, and my fascination with the social arts began when I picked up a copy "The Game" by Neil Strauss many years ago. But reading and trial-and-error only got me so far. To get better, I needed a mentor.

I came to Dr David Tian and joined the Aura Academy Program because I believed that he could help me. He was offering a 12 month program and 1-1 coaching on a weekly basis that was unheard of at the time. Most coaches are offering a weekend bootcamp, a measly 2 day workshop that promises many changes but often falls short on delivery. David was offering a year of his time to teach me.

At this time, I am part of the Ambassador level program, and there are many amazing things that I have learnt that I want to share with you. So keep checking back in the future!

XXX,
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA