Fashion and Appearance (I): Hairstyles

In the social arts, appearance is importance. One of my sticking points is finding the right hairstyle for me. This has been difficult, and a lot of hairstylists have asked me what I want when I'm in the salon.  The  problem is, I don't know what I want, because I don't know what suits my face and features. After months of trial and error, I've decided to do some proper research and condense what I've found here, so that my readers may benefit and choose a hairstyle that flatters them.

If you're completely clueless, like I was, a great guide to hairstyles and terminology can be found at Hudson's guide to Men's Short haircuts. There's also a Hudson's guide for facial hair and grooming, but I didn't really bother about that since I don't have much facial hair.

So basically, you want to pick a hairstyle that accentuates your best features and covers your flaws. The features that I will address here are:

1. Forehead
2. Ears
3. Eyes
4. Mouth
5. Neck
6. Overall face shape
7. Body build
8. Side profile

1. Forehead

If you have a high forehead (like me), it's generally good to consider fringe/bangs styled forward onto the face in the style that you choose, to minimise the amount of forehead visible. If you have a low forehead, style your hair away from your face, either backwards or to the sides.

For High foreheads, try:
- square bangs
- A sweeping bang which goes across the brow is a good styling option which will balance out any extra length that a high hairline/larger forehead can add to the face.

2. Ears
If you have protruding ears, you will want to find a hairstyle that will cover your ears to at least half way down. People with large or protruding ears can still show off the lobes and disguise their size by hiding the top area. This is because many people do not have evenly balanced ears, and one ear may protrude more than the other(like me). Ideally, the top of your ear should align with the eyebrow and the bottom should align with the nose. Your hairstyle should not draw attention to your ears, and do not cut your hair too short behind your ears when choosing short styles.

In the long run, however, if your ears really stick out like Dumbo, you might want to consider otoplasty as a solution.  Brad pitt reportedly underwent this procedure before.

3. Eyes 
Check if you have Close Set Eyes - where the space between your eyes is shorter than the length of one of your eyes). Close Set Eyes may also give off the appearance that your eyes are too small. If so, style your hair forward on the sides of your face, and this makes the face more normally proportioned. Adding volume on the side makes the eyes appear wider.

With Wide Set Eyes (like me): Keep the hair away from the face, and avoid volume on the sides of the hairstyle. Keeping the style off the face increases the amount of skin visible on the outer sides of the eyes and makes the the balance seem in proportion. 

4.Mouth

Small mouth: Consider a shorter, blunt cut to draw the line of the face inward and make the jaw seem less wide and more balanced with the mouth.
Wide mouth: Choose longer sweeping styles that avoid crowding the face, but still act as a frame for the face as a whole

5. Neck

Long Neck (like me): Avoid styles that are too short and up-swept at the nape(back of the neck). Try keeping longer hair on your neck.

Short Neck: Cut your hair shorter at the nape. Try a style that is mid level with your neck or above it in length.

6. Overall face shape
This is arguably the most important factor in determining a hairstyle, and there is so much material on this factor. There are roughly 8 face shape types, and you can find your face shape here. (Mine's Oval) Once you have determined your face shape, check out some styling guidelines here.

More on face shapes...what makes someone attractive? (from The Pretty Project)
The symmetrical face....

Superficially, there is a formula for facial beauty involving symmetry … It happens to be the standard for learning to draw portraits. The eyes are just above half of the way down the front of the head and should be 1/5 of the width of the face. Ears should lay flat to the head for the most part and extend from mid eye to the opening of the mouth. Lip edges should line up with the pupil of the eye, no thicker than the closed eyelid. The nose should be at the base just larger than the eye width and sit not too far above the lips. The bridge of the nose should extend straight and not be too protruding or flat. The chin should be gently rounded and smooth. The face in general should be oval shaped with smooth skin and clear cheekbones. And the eyebrows should be tame and separate, but not too thin.

Unfortunately for our perpetually youthful-looking friends of both sexes, babyfaceness isn’t associated with attractiveness.

Lastly, there's an interesting video here from the discovery channel about what constitutes attractive facial features.

7. Body Build 

Slim Body Build (like me): Choose a style that is bigger in proportion. A style that is fuller and has more volume. Adding waves and curls will help. Layering is good as well.

Average Body Build: Anything is good for you

Large Body Build: Don't choose a style such as a full high hair as this will make you larger. Don't choose wavy or curly hair. Try short cuts!

Original source here.

8. Side profile

For flat features, choose a style that pulls the hair back from the face and add volume along the top and back to add depth to your profile.(ie spiky hair) A short layered, or graduated cut styled with additional volume can have the desired effect.

original source here.

If you don't wish to understand any of this, you can just use the online simulator here to help you pick some good hairstyles. They'll even compile a short report based on your inputs and recommend some good hairstyles for you. If you're in the Aura Academy, there is also the option of having a one-on-one fashion consultation for an additional fee.

So for me, I have determined that the best hairstyle for me is one with bangs on my face to minimise the forehead, hair that covers at least half of my ears, some volume on the side(ears>eyes), some length on the back of my head covering the neck, and layer the haircut. Something like that:

Some spikes would be good as well.

And checkout coolmenshair.

Have fun experimenting!

Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Do Women have more friends than Men?

I recently had to figure out whether men or women have more friends in general. My personal bias is that the average woman has more friends than the average man, but lets have a look at what the research shows:

I came across an interesting phenomenon on why your friends have more friends than you do. The gist of the analysis is that you are more likely to be friends with someone who has more friends than with someone who has fewer friends. To rephrase that, you probably have, in your social circle, someone who has a lot of friends (a connector) who is tipping the mean number of friends that the average person has. But that doesn't really answer our question. The connector could be a male or female...but which is more likely?

The advent of online networks has made such research possible. Based on studies done on online social networks, there is a higher likelihood for a connector to be female. Also Women who are "social networkers" also tend to have more friends than their male counterparts. Interestingly, when it came to the extreme end of friend-making, ie a huge number of friends(1000-10000++), there were more men (Super/uber connnectors) who had these networks of friends than ladies. But these guys were a rarity, constituting less than 1% of the sample set.

Why do women appear to be have more friends?

Part of the reason could because of biology. In stressful situations, the fight or flight response is triggered in males. Women have a larger repertoire of behaviours, and the research is showing that a female response to stress is to gather with other women instead, whereas in men it would be to seek isolation. You can read the paper here. Women with social networks that are heavily female populated tend to live longer as well. (Women tend to give better care than men)

Women also gather with other women for safety. Interestingly, the research also highlights that when a woman is given the chance of support from an unfamiliar male or being by her herself, she would prefer to be by herself. (Men are seen as a potential source of danger, eg spousal abuse etc.). 

Thanks for pointing this out. But how is this useful to me...?

Well, for one, if you are planning to grow the number of friends you have, you are better off befriending women than men, since they have on average more friends that they can introduce to you than the average male.

Another interesting result of women having more friends is that they can cope romantic relationships better. Simon and Barett show that:

Young men are more reactive to the quality of ongoing relationships because romantic partners are their primary sources of intimacy, in contrast to young women who tend to have intimate relationships with family and friends. 

Young men also feel more of the emotional strain in a relationship because they invest more in a relationship and are less familiar with navigating romantic relationships. In the Aura Academy, we are taught to control investment levels (the ladies as well as our own), so a lot of this social arts stuff has very practical as well as emotional value.


Just good to know:)


XXX, 
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Reflections on the Ambassador Graduation Infield requirement

To pass the ambassador graduation infield, I was required to bring 8 girls to rockstar night. 8 girls is a challenge because, for one, you never see girls hang out in groups of 8. 8 is too large and simply not a sustainable group size, and even less so if they are all girls.

My strategy for bringing 8 girls with me for rockstar night was twofold:
(1) Invite many girls
(2) Set integration/management on rockstar night itself

To determine how many girls to invite, I had to estimate the flake rate that I would encounter. Based on my experience from the acolyte infield, I estimated that for every 3 girls I invite, 1 girl would turn up(33%). Metrics like that are useful because they helped me decide how many girls I needed to meet and invite for rockstar night. Since I needed to bring 8 girls for rockstar night, I needed to invite 24 girls. Once I figured that out, it was a question of scheduling my time to hit the clubs. When I was planning this I had 3 weeks to rockstar night, so I needed to number close at least 8 girls a week. If I hit the clubs twice a week, that's not so difficult. I just need to get 4 numbers in a night.

I tried this and it worked out pretty well. Soon I had a list of numbers and I invited them for rockstar night. My estimate was quite accurate, and I had narrowed it down to 8 solid RSVPs.

Then the F1 came to town and David changed the date for rockstar night. I found out about it just 4 days before the actual night. This was bad. I informed my girls about it, and the reaction wasn't good. In an instant, half my contact list couldn't make it. They would be out of town. The rest of the list had already flaked. I needed to start over, and I had a week to do so.

So I hit Attica twice, and number closed like a whirlwind. I even number closed a girl on the train on the way to Clarke quay. I was pretty stressed, and girls can be so unpredictable. I pulled one of the girls I had met from Attica and we made out all the way to her place. Two days later she tells me not to text her anymore. Such is the nature of a woman. You don't ask why they are like that, you accept their nature and you try to work with them.

On Wednesday, 3 days before rockstar night, I sent an invite text and RSVP. Rockstar night was promoted as a friend's birthday, and they were invited to join in the fun. David teaches in the ambassador level promoter class that the best time to invite people for a party is 24-48 hours before the actual event. I was actually a bit early, but I needed to know. If the response was bad, I could at least get some more numbers at Butterfactory in the evening on ladies night.

The response was eerily silent. Most didn't reply. Some replied saying that they couldn't make it. Only 3 could make it. I think, at this point, everyone was suffering post F1 party week fatigue. Or maybe the event itself was not compelling (who wants to go for a birthday party when they don't know the birthday guy?). In any case, the response was really bad.

Over the next few days, the replies slowly came in. I had 14 "maybes". The common response was "I don't know what i'm doing on Saturday. I check with my friends and get back to you?" Maybes are never good because they will most likely flake. What I've also found is that a "yes, i'm coming" doesn't actually mean they'll come, especially if they promise you a week in advance. The earlier they promise you, the greater the need to confirm it later.

On Saturday itself, I only had 5 confirmed and 8 maybes. This wasn't good enough, because if half of them flaked i wouldn't hit 8. With great reluctance, I invited one of my close girlfriends from school, and persuaded her to invite 2 of our mutual friends along. I didn't want to touch my professional contacts, but I saw no other way. Thankfully, the three of them came, and they came early. We even had dinner before going to Attica. None of them flaked. This was when it hit me:

My flakes were so high because I didn't really know the girls I was inviting, and they didn't know me. This task would be a lot easier if I had a social circle, and my close friends were my social circle.

It was also a mistake to invite a girl and ask them to bring their friends along. Soul had been doing this and so was I. There were two problems with this approach:

1) She doesn't feel like you are inviting her because she's special. In fact, she feels that you are using her to get to know her friends. ("invite my girlfriends? But they are all attached.")

2) It's not always easy for girls to bring along a few of their friends. When their friends don't want to go, they won't go as well. It takes work to bring their friends along, and
why should they work so hard to bring their friends along for you?


If I were to do it all over again, I would invite a core group of girls who are all friends and see how I can grow the group by inviting more mutual girlfriends. That would be much easier.


The night itself


When the first 8 showed up at attica, I had a different set of problems.

The first problem was how to get them in without paying the cover charge. I staggered their arrival to make use of the citibank card promotion to get them in for free (before 11pm).

But there were others that arrived after 11pm. This is where it helps to know the bouncers and door people. There are several tricks that i use at Attica:

1) You can plead with the door host (Bara) if you see her to let you in.
2) There is a bartender named Ben who's name you can drop. Tell the bouncer that you are Ben's friend. This hardly works and what you might get is Bara coming to greet you.
3) Make a strong entrance. If you are with girls, you lead first with the stamp on your hand and just pull them along. The bouncers may check for the stamp on the girls but once they make some noise they'll usually be let in.
4) If you are with just 1 girl, hold her hand and lead her through the entrance. They'll usually let you in. If you are stopped, tell the bouncer that she is your girlfriend, and don't let go of her hand. The bouncers will usually relent.

It also helps that you know the door people if you are a regular there. One guy I know buys food for the bouncers to build rapport with them. Others are just seen there often.

The second problem I faced was keeping track of everyone once they were in the club. I was chatting with an Aura member about this and he said "Why not just let them run free in the club?". What he didn't understand is that girls don't answer their phones in the club sometimes, for a variety of reasons. If I don't know where they are, and let them run free, I won't be able to find them later to bring them to David. My greatest concern was that with a group of 8 girls, guys will come in and pull them away. If they leave the club with my girls before I introduce them to David, then all that effort would be wasted.

As I mentioned before, 8 is not a sustainable group size, and so the group naturally fragmented at the smoking area where we were gathered. Some of my "maybes" showed up and I was pleasantly surprised, even though some came with a guy. In total, my count for the night was 12 girls and 2 guys. I had passed the infield.

That was a lot of hard work man.



XXX,
Echelon


Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Taking it to the next level - Being a Promoter

There are a lot of parties in Singapore at night, and if you party a lot, it makes sense to find a way to support that lifestyle. One way is being a promoter for a club, and you know who these people are because they are always inviting you to parties and events at this club or that. Depending on their commission structure, they might get a percentage of the ticket sales, a percentage of the bar (usually 10%), commissions from tables, and most commonly a flat rate for the number of girls that they bring to the club. If you see these people, make friends with them. Promoters (the good ones) are very sociable people. In fact, they'll get your number and/or your facebook contact, or give you theirs readily. It's part of their business. Just knowing a powerful promoter puts you on mulitple guestlists in many clubs in Singapore, so it's definitely worth the investment in terms of time and energy.


Befriending promoters have other benefits as well. Some can bring you into the club without paying and bypassing the queue. More importantly, some promoters will want to work with you after befriending you, seeing you around at parties a lot, and looking at the people that you bring with you. What they do is create a guestlist for you and the commission is split between the two of you. This is how I got in the first place.

Most of the promoters I've met in Singapore tend to be girls, very few guys, and I'm not sure why this is the case. There's a status advantage for being a promoter, so it will raise your social value, and the hot girls will want to meet you.

Becoming a Promoter takes time. It's a skillset that is taught in the Ambassador class and is pretty powerful for upping your lifestyle to the next level. Suffice to say, you'll need to build social capital with the right people in a club to become a promoter. You'll want to be seen with women and bringing in business to the club. Girls are the currency of a club. Some see the graduation requirement for ambassador as a precedent for entourage game, but it can also be used to build a promoter lifestyle. That means you get paid to club. Pretty sweet huh?

Ideally, you'll want to hit that club at least twice a week just to be seen there and to build your social capital.

When you do become a promoter and you have a guestlist of your own. Then it's partyyy time!
Start spreading the word, and get paid for your lifestyle:)


XXX,
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

The art of conversation (II): Drop the Pretence

Up until recently, I only knew 2 types of Genuine Interest Direct (GID).

1)The Standard long version: "I saw you doing X activity and I wanted to come over and tell you that I think you are Y adjective"

2)The abridged/club version: "You're so distracting, who are you?"

In a recent ambassador class, I learnt a variation of the the GID which is called "Drop the pretence".
What is "Pretence"? The Cambridge dictionary defines it as "A way of behaving that is intended to deceive people". A pretence is basically an excuse, like talking to a girl for 10 minutes on how the weather is today.You're not really interested, but it's an indirect way of striking up a conversation.  So dropping the pretence is a way of being genuine and also builds believability. Interestingly, other social guys like Chase Amante use it as well (he calls it the indirect direct), and it's been taught way back by guys like Sebastian Drake. Anyway here's how it goes:


"X excuse" Then drop the pretense. (Cut her off before she finishes her sentence) "Actually I just saw you standing there and I just wanted to meet you"


The X excuse should be used to pace the reality of the situation - in other words, it should be situationally relevant.


So if you're at a bookstore and you meet a girl, you can say:
"hey what do you think about this book? I think its really thought provoking. Then drop the pretence. Actually I just saw you standing there and I just wanted to meet you." (Cut her off before she finishes her sentence)


Alternatively, if for whatever reason you don't want to drop the pretence, you can just flow with the conversation and see where it takes you, as an option. No hard and fast rules.


So what are some good situationally relevant pretences? Here are some general ones:

Recommend something.

Get recommendations

What's the difference between x and y?

Have you tried the xyz drink?

You look like a starbucks pro. Have you tried xyz?

Do you prefer x or y? 

I've heard that xyz. What do you think about it?

-->Always give reasons for asking that question

Pacing the reality is really important. By making situationally relevant, you are able to connect with her present situation. I feel that this helps to bridge to the next topic (whatever it is) more easily, rather than come out from the blue. It also helps you to gauge whether she will be responsive, whether there will be language barriers (eg if she doesn't understand english) before you show some genuine interest. For some guys who have trouble using the GID directly, this should be a good alternative to use.

Have Fun!
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Recording your approaches

To measure improvement in the social arts, it can be useful to record your approaches and interactions. For me, in terms of approaches, I record the following information:

(1) Sets I opened

(2) Sets I hooked (number close or instant date)

(3) Sets I passed up.

(2)/(1) measures your hit rate, so you know how many sets you have to open, on average, to get a hit. The "hook" here refers to some event with tangible results, like a number close or instant date, and not the actual use of the term. A simple conversation can have many hook points, but that's another thing altogether.

(3)/(1+3) measures the percentage of opportunities that are passing by, girls that passed that you could have approached but you didn't take it.

So for example, on the way to meet T on 12 sept, I recorded the following:

12/9/11

(1) Sets I opened: 3

(2) Sets I hooked: 0

(3) Sets I passed up: 3

So for that day, my hit rate was 0%, and my pass up rate was 50%. That means I could have approached 50% more but I didn't, for whatever reason, I have to reflect. On average, my hit rate for GID is between 1/7 - 1/6 or 14-16%. I know that for every 7 or so sets that I GID, 1 should "hook". 

Why do I want to measure my Hit rate? This is useful when I need to do some goal planning. Say I need to bring 3 girls for the acolyte infield on rockstar night. I know that for 7 sets that I open, 1 will hook. So if I need to bring 3 girls, I need to approach at least 21 sets before rockstar night. This is also useful if you plan to bring social proof to a party coming up on your horizon soon.

There is also a conversion rate that I'm thinking about, ie how many numbers convert into lays, or how many first dates convert into lays, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet, or whether that is even useful.

Interestingly yours, 

Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Time Management

Where does all my time go...?

I recently found a way to manage my time better via the Pomodoro Technique. It breaks down your time into chunks of 25 minutes and teaches you a system to keep track of your time for tasks that you need to do...like a research paper that I'm supposed to be writing now lol.

The ebook on the method is available on the link provided, or you can click here to download it. The method is named after the Pomodoro (Italian for Tomato) timer that is often used in a kitchen to keep track of time.

So that's 25 minutes of pure concentration time. And then a break of 5 minutes. If you have to break or do something other than the task while the clock is ticking, then you don't get to record a tick next to the task. One tick =  One Pomodoro. See how many Pomodoros it takes to complete your task. You get to take a 15 min break every 4 pomodoros.

The good thing about this is that there's an iphone app, so you can download it to keep track of your progress and productivity. It's called the Pomodoro timer. There's a more advanced version of the app for the ipad, but I haven't tested that yet. It looks really nice though., with in built features to keep track of tasks and to prioritise them as well.

Stay focused,
Echelon

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA